Your nothing but a sperm donor to me .
Your nothing but a sperm donor to me .
I’m a screwed person, who’s has suicide thoughts everyday . Who thinks she’s had friends but she doesn’t . Who thinks she has the world it she doesn’t reality doesn’t quite sit in with me , it’s to depressing that’s why I do drugs . I really have no purpose . In fat, in ugly , guys want me b/c I my looks and my personality , not b/c the inside me . When they actually get to know the inside me I’m annoying af to them. I cry myself to sleep from time to time . I say things like people are actually listening to me . I think people love me when in reality they hate and just feel sorry for me . I’m spoiled yes , I get what I want ever now and then . I can’t get told no or I’ll be mad af .i steal, I lie and I cheat . I just want to scream . No ones knows an no one cares . I’m a ticking time bomb about to clock out.
I just want to over dose myself , how sick I am right now . I should just die in my sleep , then see if anyone cares
I can’t seem to get my finger around why I ever loved you so much . Why I let you control my feelings, why I begin to feel like I’m lost in paradise when I around you ?Why I want to hate you so much and just never want to talk to you ever again ? Dec. 28, 2011, the first time I seen you since the RP open gym . You where the most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on . Brownish-blonde hair , blue eyes as blue as the sea , just gave a me butterfly’s to my stomach. We communicated over Facebook, tell that day I saw you again with Brandon , my face blow red , you where just this boy, that I never planned on talking to again after that night . Then for some reason we texted and talked on the phone , you blow my mind how amazing you where . From that moment on I knew I could fall deeply in love with you . Jan.2,2012 was the day you became my boyfriend, my knight and shining armor, my everything . I never expected things to be the way they are now . The lies and people talking and mistakes fucked us up , the problems at home being the only one that understood each other was a blessing to me . I had no mom , no dad , no family just me myself & you . I think my problems is , I fell to hard I fell to the bottom of a river over you . I didn’t plan on doing that , and I didn’t expect it either . But things quickly change as both of our life’s went on. I seriously can get over you as much as I try Scott , you seriously will never understand , EVER & you never really . The things we talking about over the phone , you are not the only one that was hurt I was too . The way you ignored me and left me alone at times wasn’t fair , I never once did you like that . I ride for you throw everything when I could . Always there for you when you needed me , but where were you when I needed you the most . Where is the Scotty that grabbed my hand and said “their is going to be a ring on my finger “. You don’t remember anything , you don’t care about me , you don’t love me , you don’t respect me . Lol you were never that guy I expected you to be . I’m always someone’s back burner and you did me just like that . Called me when your down , b/c you know I’ll alway be there , call me when your bored , b/c you know I want to see you . I loved you and was madly in love with you and you know that shit with a passions and use it to your advantage . You are always quick to throw things in my face about things I did and said . But you have skeletons in your closet to remember that . But I want wish nothing bad on you . I wish you all the best . You have the worst trust issues on the world and it totally not your fault , but for someone to keep trying & you still don’t believe them is a problem. You make me out to be this hoe , slut, drug head , everything in the book. You laugh at me sometime , b/c you think I’m dumb and nieve but I’m not I knew everything, saw it . Just didn’t want to believe it . You were never good luck to me ever, you caused me to hurt myself , all these thins I would have never done . There could a million guys in a room and I would still only want you. They’re blurry to me when it comes to you . I deserve so much more but for some reason my heart want let me stop loving you . So it’s effecting me from ever trying to be with someone. I try and fool myself that I like a guy and blah blah but I can’t b/c your always running throw my mind . Not that you care not that you ever will , just wish I knew how you really fault about me . When I go into surgery I know you want be there , when I graduate I know you want be there . When Im rich and famous and you are too , we both could have the world but you still want be there . At the end of the day I just need to try move on and forget about you and what we had and just try and be your friend. But it’s hard to try and picture your first love with someone else .